The Dilemma

The Dilemma
By Hesi-Chip

Her golf skirt swished in a pendulum motion even smoother than Levi Fontaine's rhythmic putting stroke.  She told me, in no uncertain terms, "Kiss me or get off the pot.  With all of your hesitation, this maybe your last shot."  My dilemma was not having a woman give me an ultimatum, I have had scores of those, it was with my hesitation.  Normally my southern hemisphere overrules the northern with the speed of summer lightning.  In fact, the Yanks have never won a contest, let alone scored a run.  It was at this moment, I raised my hands over my shoulders, NBA style, and signaled for a time out.  I was hoping to "ice" her.

She is a beauty with blond hair that cascades over her shoulders into a silky waterfall of curls.  Her up and down is good and plenty.  I have always considered myself a renaissance man in all manners regarding outlook, style and love.  I appreciate the equality of women, especially when it comes to picking up a tab or having a sharp wit.  Okay, that last part was a test to see if you are still reading.  Good, you are. Her only flaw, is her handicap.  It is lower than mine.  Athletic Domination!

What will become of me, would I become her high handicap pet?  What would the other golfers think of me?  Would they secretly laugh at me the way dogs do when they see one of their kind in a sweater?  Would she pat me on the head when I take out the trash and swat me in the behind when I leave the toilet seat up?  Would I be relegated to sleep on the passenger side of the bed?  Would I have to face the ultimate in DEMANIFACATION?

You guessed it, the Scotch twosomes with matching shirts.  Egad!

Sweat poured from my head like a man caught with the wrong shade of lipstick on his collar.  My stomach was turning at 78 rpms, I was feeling faint.  I needed a diversion.  I could always fake an injury and flop around on the floor L.A. Clipper style, but for how long. I could talk to the girl and tell her of my insecurities and risk another pat on the head and a doggie treat.  No, time to man up.  What I need is  professional advice from someone with understanding, patience and knowledge ………………. "Bartender, ordering!".