Gone Hollywood
by Star Chip Enterprise
Life after the publishing of my book, “No Off Switch to Genius”, it has been a whirlwind personal appearances. It has been mostly the mundane stuff ranging from food festivals and new product launching to virgin sacrifices and bar openings. It is basically the same, make an opening statement, pimp the book, cut a ribbon and pose for photo ops.
When the Feherty people from the Golf Channel called to speak to my people about coming on their show, they were dumbfounded when I answered the phone. They said they couldn’t speak directly to me, but only to my staff. It just couldn’t be done like this. The horrified assistant began mumbling something to her assistant and put me on hold. After an uncomfortably long pause, much like the wait on the second and third tee boxes, a very legal sounding voice came on the line. He said, if I didn’t have an entourage or could not afford one, one would be appointed for me.
Easy Tiger, I said. If you have a green room with a fully stocked bar and finger food, I will have an entourage. There is nothing more motivational to PCGC members than free food and booze. I then inquired if the room could hold three hundred and if they had RV parking. I told him to visualize the scene from the movie, “Tin Cup” where they all filed out of the Winnebago at the US Open minus Renee Russo.
He stuttered in that legalese manner reserved only for pro bono work and crooked politicians. He said he would have to check on the size of the room and the parking situation, then rang off.
In my minds eye I could see the proceedings very clearly. In the center of the room would be ’Swinging’ Mr. Stevens and Blue Lou sipping on "see throughs.” On the sofa with their feet up, cold one in hand, Mike and Dennis K would be talking tennis and football. Merriment and loud discussions of which of the Stooges were the funniest would ring out. John Jurgens would sneak off with the pretty sound girl. The Sons of Civil Servants would be enjoying red clam chowder and blue label. Bill Feeley and Mike Woodall would have Feherty cornered in silent captivity asking questions to no one imparticular.
There is nothing like a PCGC road trip. I will have to ask my people if anyone got a return number for that guy.