R and A and C
by Sir Chip
I was in England recently as a guest of the Royal and Ancient. I was there to accept an award and to evaluate the state of the game from my uniquely American position. I was knighted, long overdue in my opinion, for my life's work in promoting the Ascot and its rise in prominence. In a very progressive move, "The guardians of the game" sought the opinion of a muni golfer with a fashion sense. Of course, they were very careful not to be seen with me, or to allow cameras or recording devices within a 500 meter area of the interview.
It was quite a revealing experience for both sides of the pond. I discovered, for example, that most of these stuffed shirts didn't play the game, had bad English accents and couldn't handle a Windsor Knot or a four in hand without the aid of a butler. It was shocking. Seeing these men and listening to their attitudes helps explain our dependence on the French for a fashion sense. Chip being Chip, I decided to press the issue.
The plaid boys were appalled and chaffed by my direct and bold questioning of tweed, jackets with belts on them, and hounds tooth anything. I still cringe at the thought of Bear Bryant's unfortunate hat. I was rebuffed, of course, with some staunch stares, several, "why, I have nevers", and one, mind your civil tongue, sir, but my questions remained unanswered. Using my new knighthood status, I pushed on. When I declared the oxford to be dead and that it should go the way of the double knit, you would have thought I was driving on the right side of the road. Luckily I brought along Steve Hildebrant, a fashion and security consultant, (they always punch the taller guy first) and we were able to back away from this hostile mob.
I returned stateside, bloodied but not beaten. The Royal and Ancient reinstated my knighthood, after viewing some revealing photos and dropped all charges. For now, fashions will remain the same, but isn't that what you would expect from crowd that favors cut away jackets and tea?
Thank god for the Ascot.