Saturday Morning Cartoons

Saturday Morning Cartoons
Media Chip

It was at a recent speaking engagement promoting my up coming book, There Is No Off Switch To Genius that I was accosted by the media.  The reporters, many of whom I am well acquainted, began to circle making outrageous claims and comments.  It was like a feeding frenzy of hungry sharks and I was their seal dinner.  Microphones and tape recorders were thrust into my face.  Demands for a statement were shouted above the noise.

I was momentarily stunned.  Was this media blitzkrieg the work of my attorney Blue Moon Retainer?  Was this his effort to increase book interest Jerry Springer style?  If not, what happened?  I pondered this as I pretended it was too loud to hear their questions..  Did Mel become the first female member of the men's club?  Did Levi come out of retirement for the up coming season? Did Sandy Shields pay his bar tab?  Finally, I yelled, comment on what?

A shapely anchor woman from an obscure cable access channel said the Charles Schultz Foundation has had a cease and desist order placed on me for the slander and drunken depiction of Charlie Brown.  She further stated that my 90 proof lifestyle was in direct violation of his wholesome image and against several laws of nature.

"Chuck!", I yelled.  ""Chuck is a cartoon character for god sake. Although we have some shared traits, how can you compare us?  It just doesn't make sense."

Lets analyze the facts, Chip, then you decide, she said.  Do either of you ever wear anything other than short pants?  Have either of you have ever won an argument?  You both have barely average fast balls. If that doesn't convince you, this one will.  What's that I said, I have to know.  With an evil smile and a wink, she said, when was the last time either one of you got the girl?

Ouch, I was humbled.  That my life's adventures were comparable to a cartoon guy who never had a permanent Saturday morning gig hurt.  He never met Josie and the Pussycats, Speed Racer, Top Cat or any of the  other greats.  He is a middling celebrity trying hard  to keep the spot light lit. What are they trying to tell me?

It was time for my long awaited statement. "While there maybe some similarities and shared experiences, I am confident my attorney and bartender will  be up to the challenge of my defense.  Now, if you will excuse me, I have a date with thee red headed girl.  Take that Charlie Brown."