Sub Rosa Chip
by Chip Undercover
Disguised in a trench coat, false mustache, and a somewhat stylish Fedora, I went undercover at a rival golf club on a fact finding mission. Unfortunately, Sean Penn was unavailable to offer assistance. My mission, to find a golf course and a restaurant run independently, and discover how they treat their members and customers. It has long been my contention, Poplar Creek as a whole doesn’t value our club's contributions to the golf course and their bottom lines. I wanted to discover how the other half lives.
To learn this I had to sink into the murky underbelly of the golf world undetected. I was at an unnamed public course in Pacifica doing just that, when Bill Feeley spotted me on the putting green. He yelled, “Hey Chip, where have you been, we miss you over at Poplar Creek.” Like the Southwest Airlines ads, this was a “want to get away” moment.
The members I had so well groomed, suddenly became very leery of me. The space around me doubled and then doubled again. I was in a bad position. I had to think quickly in order to save months of research. I yelled back at Billy, “For the next five minutes, I have an open bar tab.”
Suddenly, I felt like a leper standing all alone on the golf course. The members swarmed the bar like locusts destroying everything in its path. Vegetation, equipment, small animals, and children were carried away by this human tsunami. In the ebb tide of this humanity, I saw an endangered frog toasting a low handicapper. A taxidermist and a tree hugging PETA woman enjoying a drink together. In essence, a club where both sides got along for the good of each other. It was mind numbing.
While this course is in poor shape, it makes Poplar look like Augusta, both sides get it. I am hopeful that someday we will too.
“Hey Billy, how much do I owe?"